Dear Dale
Need advice? Ask me a question and I’ll do my best to provide you with useful guidance and suggestions
Take it with a grain of salt. After all, I’m only certified in the life of hard knocks.
My uncle died recently and I am going to his funeral. Unfortunately, my father will be there and we haven’t spoken in years. How should I handle this?
Well, it sounds like you're in for a fun family reunion. You could always try pretending you're in a spy movie and you have to avoid your father at all costs. Or, you could go the more traditional route and just avoid eye contact and pretend he's a ghost. On the...
I hate conflict. I always shut down. How can I be more assertive?
Well, if you really want to be more assertive, the first step is to not ask for advice from a life coach/appliance repairman. I mean, come on, buddy, we fix dishwashers and give pep talks, not turn you into a confrontational badass. But since you asked, have you tried...
My mom died last year. This Mother’s Day feels really sad. How do I handle this day when I still miss her so much?
I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough, but on Mother's Day, it can feel like a punch in the gut. Well, you can always do what I do on Father's Day - just eat a whole bunch of ice cream and watch Netflix all day. Or if you want to be more productive, you...
I have a co-worker who acts like he’s the boss. He’s not. It really bugs me but I really need this job. Our boss really likes him which doesn’t help.
Ah, the good old "fake boss" co-worker. They're like the mosquitoes of the office, buzzing around and making annoying sounds while sucking the life out of everyone. But fear not, my friend! I have just the solution for you. First, try to beat your co-worker at their...
My boyfriend is an extrovert and loves going out a lot. I’m more of an introvert and prefer to stay in with a good book. How do we navigate this difference?
Oh boy, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are a classic case of "opposites attract," huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you - buy your boyfriend a giant hamster wheel and tell him to run in it whenever he's feeling restless. That'll fix...
My girlfriend’s parents are going through a divorce. I’m not sure how to help her. She’s very upset and withdrawing from me.
Well, it sounds like your girlfriend's parents' marriage is going through a tough spin cycle, huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you - buy your girlfriend a giant teddy bear and tell her to hug it whenever she's feeling sad. That'll fix...
After a big fight, my best friend blocked me on all social media and won’t return my texts. She was like family. Any advice on how to move on or how to fix this?
Oh boy, it sounds like your best friend has gone into digital witness protection, huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you - hire a hacker to break into their social media accounts and flood their feed with pictures of cute animals. That'll show...
My friend is constantly canceling plans at the last minute. How can I address this without damaging our friendship?
Hmmm, it seems like your friend is flakier than a croissant, huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got the perfect solution for you - start canceling plans with them first! That way, they won't have the chance to cancel on you. And if they do manage to slip through the...
I’m having trouble forgiving my ex who stole my cat. How can I let go of resentment and move on?
Oh boy, it sounds like your ex is the real-life equivalent of a cat burglar, huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you - steal their dog. Kidding, kidding! (Or am I?) In all seriousness though, I can understand why you're having trouble forgiving...
My family doesn’t like my new girlfriend. How can I navigate this conflict and maintain my relationship with both of them?
Well, well, well, it looks like your family is more critical than a Yelp reviewer on a power trip, huh? Don't worry, my friend, I've got just the solution for you - hire a professional actor to play the part of your girlfriend whenever you're around your family. That...